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Post by Tringa on Sept 12, 2022 14:03:18 GMT
This is not a well known fact but there are benefits of eating dried grapes. It's really all about raisin awareness.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Sept 15, 2022 8:40:54 GMT
As Charles is King Charles III, can we start a campaign for the Royal Mail to be renamed C3PO?
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Sept 18, 2022 6:37:25 GMT
Our neighbours' four year is learning Spanish at school. I asked him what the Spanish for 'please' is and he didn't know.
If you ask me that's poor for four!
Dave
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Post by Harold Smith on Sept 20, 2022 8:30:44 GMT
As Charles is King Charles III, can we start a campaign for the Royal Mail to be renamed C3PO? Dave Dave, With jokes like that that's how 'STAR WARS' got started and R2D2 shot its restraining bolt. Harold.
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Post by Tringa on Oct 1, 2022 20:00:10 GMT
Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude van Damme and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing a new film they are considering and the parts they will take.
Stallone says, "Its a movie about composers and I'll be Vivaldi."
van Damme says, "I'll be Mozart."
and Schwarzenegger says, "Come on guys, I'm not saying it."
Dave
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Post by ianr on Oct 2, 2022 7:37:38 GMT
Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude van Damme and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing a new film they are considering and the parts they will take. Stallone says, "Its a movie about composers and I'll be Vivaldi." van Damme says, "I'll be Mozart." and Schwarzenegger says, "Come on guys, I'm not saying it." Dave Took a couple of seconds ian
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Post by ianr on Oct 4, 2022 7:35:54 GMT
Talking to some other dog walkers in the park this morning and one said I'll have to get going work you know. When asked what he did he replied retail men's clothing, another chap said I've just had to buy my lad a new hoodie over £100. Yeah the first guy said you've been fleeced ian
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Post by Harold Smith on Oct 4, 2022 21:00:41 GMT
Talking to some other dog walkers in the park this morning and one said I'll have to get going work you know. When asked what he did he replied retail men's clothing, another chap said I've just had to buy my lad a new hoodie over £100. Yeah the first guy said you've been fleeced ian Ian, are you and Dave competing for the best Christmas Cracker joke or have you just raided Dave’s reject bin for the fun of it? Harold.
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Post by ianr on Oct 5, 2022 14:18:58 GMT
Talking to some other dog walkers in the park this morning and one said I'll have to get going work you know. When asked what he did he replied retail men's clothing, another chap said I've just had to buy my lad a new hoodie over £100. Yeah the first guy said you've been fleeced ian Ian, are you and Dave competing for the best Christmas Cracker joke or have you just raided Dave’s reject bin for the fun of it? Harold. That's as it happened Harold ian
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Post by Tringa on Oct 22, 2022 9:05:58 GMT
My friend has been ill in bed for the past couple of weeks, so I went round today and took some DVDs and a bottle of wine. Fingers crossed he won't notice they're gone.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Oct 23, 2022 13:54:49 GMT
I went to my local patisserie today.
I explained to the assistant that I was concerned about my weight and asked if she could recommend something low in sugar and fat. She said, "You could try the napkins."
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Oct 24, 2022 18:25:49 GMT
Question from the use of language section of a business forum
Q. When is it acceptable to use the phrase, "reach out" in a business email?
A. At any time provided you are, or have ever been, a member of the Four Tops.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Oct 29, 2022 11:02:59 GMT
A 'joke' worthy of inclusion in a Christmas cracker but with a Halloween theme.
Host, of a Halloween fancy dress party opens the door to a guest: "What have you come as?"
Guest: "A harp."
Host: "Your costume is too small to be a harp."
Guest: "Are you calling me a lyre?"
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Nov 9, 2022 19:08:33 GMT
Reports are coming in that Boy George has been attacked by a reptile on the set of I'm a Celebrity.
They should have got a calmer Chameleon, but apparently, they come and go.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Nov 23, 2022 11:51:14 GMT
A man goes to a psychiatrist “I’ve got a problem,” he says. “Every time when I get into bed, I think that there is somebody under it.
I get out of bed and down on the floor to look under the bed, but then I think there is somebody in the bed so I get up to check and I'm back to thinking there is somebody under the bed again. This is driving me crazy!”
The psychiatrist thinks for a moment. Then they says, “This is an unusual and difficult sistuation. It will take some time but with a lot of hard work we can definitely help you overcome your problem. Come to me for 2 hours, 3 times a week.”
“How much will that cost?” the man asks.
“A normally its £150 an hour but since the treatment is so extensive I'll charge you just £100 an hour.” the psychiatrist says.
"I'll think about it." says the man.
He doesn't return to the psychiatrist again but the next month they meet in the street.
“Why didn’t you come to visit me again?” the psychiatrist asks.
“A £100 an hour was too expensive for me, and anyway the barman in my local solved my problem for me.”
The psychiatrist is shocked, “What did he do with you?”
“He told me to cut the legs of the bed.”
Dave
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