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Post by accipiter on Apr 23, 2020 7:49:29 GMT
However, before I start can I say I wasn’t going to post the following since it’s all a bit too embarrassing, but it may just issue a warning to other elderly folk like myself.
Saturday April 4th, now where am I oh yes, well it all started with the lonely shrub at the end of our garden that was getting rather unsightly. So out came the bow saw, fork, spade, and dusty bin in which to place it in, which is nice. Don’t forget the gloves said the wife as I wondered off down the garden well so far so good; anyhow where was I oh yes, in went the fork and out came the shrub faster than a rat up a drainpipe. The very next thing I was laying by the bed thinking I was going to die any minute yep it really was that bad, since it felt like I’d been hit over the head with a fourteen pound sledge hammer coronavirus nope, but the next thing I knew two paramedics were standing over me with masks on. That’s a very nasty cut you’ve got on the back of your head sir if you don’t mind me saying said paramedic number one. So apparently, I came over all unnecessary as one does, anyhow all I remember were my legs going for a walk without my body, and banging my head on the book case as I fell down. Oh, that’s a very nasty long deep cut said the other one, what do you mean deep said I? Well you must know about the Grand Canyon so it’s a bit like that sir.
However, the torture chair from some medieval dungeon appeared next on the scene as I felt my little grey cells leaving my head as I rode the helter skelta down the stairs of woe and into the vehicle of flashing fairground lights.
The next minute found me lying in hospital with two hundred and thirty-three nurses dancing around the ward all doing the light fantastic. Hmm, that’s a nasty deep cut said nurse number one I’ll get the doctor just in case, I’ll be back in a minute. Yes that doesn’t look good said the doc do you feel alright sir, I think its best if we get some fluid into you first, so along came nurse number two, hello sir now let me see, oh that’s a nasty deep cut, so on went the drip looking larger than a Egyptian pyramid only it was pear shape. So, after connecting me up to the drip she left faster than a rat up a drainpipe. Hello sir said nurse number three, I think we need a blood test just in case; I’ll be back in a minute. Hello sir said nurse number four I’ll just take your blood pressure just in case, what do you mean just in case well you can never be too careful she said, can you tell me your date of birth? No idea ok, what year is it no idea ok, how many fingers can you see sir as she held out her hand hmm no idea ok, I’ll be back in a minute. Anyhow three hours later in came nurse number five, do you think you could stand up for me sir so far so good I thought, meanwhile tinker bell and the doc were hatching a Machiavellian plan in the corner of the room whisper whisper, dehydration, diplopia, or the last rites, mumble mumble, I’ll be back in a minute said tinker bell but on seconds thoughts I may have been hallucinating.
Anyhow, another hour went by when nurse number six pushing a trolley equipped with enough gear to build the Eiffel Tower floated in on a gossamer cloud as my head left my body for the third time, what’s this then? It’s the humpty dumpy kit sir since I’m going to stick you all back together again what with I said, super glue sir; now this may sting a little, he lied it hurt like hell!
In the meantime, I came over even more peculiar, so much so I had visions of more nurses dancing around in Hawaiian grass skirts whilst a BSA gold star motor bike roared on by. Anyhow, the next minute I found myself driving the wife down to Margate where I took a short cut onto the wall of death with Chas and Dave cheering us on; I’m not having it said the wife! The next thing I knew Lonnie Donegan was singing Cumberland Gap (it’s a deep mountain pass.) How do you feel now said nurse number seven, so I told her all about the said dream, oh that’s a very good sign she said since it’s just a midlife crises sir, I’ll be back in a minute. So in came nurse number eight, at least it looked like it since they all looked exactly the same except for the one who looked like two and a half feet tall, yes it all looks fine you can go home now if you feel up to it, oh by the way don’t forget the BSA gold star she said as I left the building.
Footnote
Nonetheless, I’ve now had time to fully evaluate the event, since I’ve come to realise, I’ve made it all sound like a comedy drama but the simple fact is it’s exactly how it felt; although I treat most situations if not all with a pinch of salt coupled with a sense of humour unknown to modern man. It’s just the fact as I lay on the floor being unable to move, take a breath, therefore speak I really did think it was the end; I never felt that much better as I laid in the hospital either hence my previous explanation of the proceedings.
However, I now know the full ramification of not drinking enough fluid and the affect it can cause, hence delirium, vomiting and rotational vertigo all at the same time.
Still I did thank the paramedics for their prompt response stating that I felt like being bit of a fraud at the end of the day; however they did say I wouldn’t believe some of the things their called out for including being unable to remove a thorn from the finger, since it’s not exactly what could be classed as an emergency.
Nonetheless, I remain as ever in awe of the doctors and nurses and feel a doubling of the wages wouldn’t be too much.
Ps
My head still hurt like hell but I’m still visiting my little owl hide every day, since it will take more than a bonk on the head to keep this old dog down.
Alan
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Post by Tringa on Apr 23, 2020 12:36:12 GMT
That sounds nasty, Alan. Hope you are feeling better now, but still take it easy.
All the best.
Dave
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Post by rowanberry on Apr 23, 2020 18:18:04 GMT
Yes, I agree... you've made it sound like a bit of an adventure Alan (nurses dancing around in Hawaiian grass skirts!) but it sounds as though you concussed yourself pretty badly.
Take it easy for a few days and give yourself time to recover fully and stop seeing hallucinations.
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Post by accipiter on Apr 23, 2020 20:10:39 GMT
Thanks Dave, / Rowanberry, however I’m still feeling a bit wobbly on my feet so I’m being very careful what I do at the moment, the only problem is I still feel fairly young within myself which seems to be something most of us elderly do. Nonetheless, I’m trying very hard to except the fact I’m not as young as I once was; how did Dirty Harry once put it, oh yes a man got to know his limitations.
Alan
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Post by accipiter on Aug 27, 2020 16:42:44 GMT
Dear reader, I’ve not had the opportunity to keep you all in the picture regarding what I’ve been up to lately since I’m still as busy as ever observing the little owls here, including too busy to inquire how you all are in regards to your health during lockdown which I really do hope is outstanding. Nonetheless, can I start off by saying I’ve been so busy with my nature studies I’ve not even had time to return to the village to continue tracing my Viking heritage but since covid 19 remains such a great risk I feel it would be grossly unfair on my love one’s or indeed to place an extra burden on the NHS, of which I’ve already been using frequently in the last few months.
Secondly given the facts I’ve just outlined I’m not quite ready for the big sleep yet, the big sleep referring to contracting covid 19 and possible death which I could pass on to my elderly cousins still living in the village or indeed bring back home to those I hold dear. Neither have I any intention of joining my ancestors who lie at rest in the village chapel and church yard quite yet, since I would also very much like to see my grandchildren grow up to lead happy fulfilled lives, happiness being the key word since fame and fortune doesn’t guarantee happiness.
In the meantime, I’m still walking around in ever decreasing circles ever since my altercation with a shrubbery plant, whilst at the same time performing a pretty good imitation of the whirling dervishes, what’s more if I have any more blood tests, I’ll soon have no blood left to give. However, I must say the nurses I’ve seen over this period have been an absolute delight, forever helpful, kind, generous of spirit, and empathy. In fact, the last one I saw had a dry wit not unlike myself, and there I was thinking I was unique in that department. Anyhow, on the last visit to the surgery the conversation between me and the nurse went something like the following- nurse, oh dear your blood pressure is awfully high.
Alan - oh don’t worry about that nurse I’m sensitive to people (meaning white coat syndrome.) Nurse- ain’t we all, spoken with a large amount of humour, to which I very nearly fell off the chair with laughter. Incidentally to be completely without empathy is the main trait of a psychopath so it was somewhat reassuring I was in very safe hands. Nonetheless, I can also walk in a straight line now, well most of the time but I’m being closely monitored by a whole team of doctors and my head doesn’t hurt so bad which could go on hurting for a another six months, or so they tell me which is quite nice to know. My thought process is also slow at the moment due to the accident consequently my little grey cells tend to be confused at times which I live in hope will improve given time.
My wife and I are still sheltering since we both are in the at risk category. However, due to covid 19 there have been many more people walking through my grounds and even straying into our garden so it any wonder I much prefer to keep my location a closely guarded secret due to the rare birds that breed here not to mention my owl boxes and archery course that has been vandalised in the past. However, I will give a rough description of my propriety that I guess you could call a large small holding if that make sense consisting of a fair amount of wooded area; there is also a small water feature that I guess some would describe as a large overgrow pond which I’ve named Pike pit. However it’s been surrounded by trees, bushes, and undergrowth for many years, so much so it’s not really a water feature at all. However, I’ve had some of the bushes thinned out and cleaned away recently and the thick weed removed from the water to reveal a decent size pond where somebody in their wisdom has recently deposited two black swans, either that or they flown here having escaped from a collection, strange times indeed. However, my understanding was such birds normally have their wings clipped so perhaps they walked across the desert, ocean, and anything else in the way in order to get here.
I also have a spring that I didn’t know was there that I enlarged to something resembling a pond, prior to that I’ve been running around like a headless chicken all over the country studying Sparrowhawks for many years until I awoke one morning looked in the mirror and discovered I wasn’t wearing short trousers any longer if you understand my meaning, but that’s another story that I wouldn’t want to bore you all with. Apart from that we are both coping quite well considering everything else that I like to call (life in the fast lane.) Or anything can happen in the next half hour which usually does.
Alan
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Post by rowanberry on Aug 28, 2020 8:14:22 GMT
Two black swans! That's pretty amazing... I'm not surprised you want to keep your location under wraps, so to speak.
However, the best news is that you're recovering from your accident back in April... I hope your brain cells continue to improve.
Are you intending to put all the information about sparrowhawks together for a book or similar? So many people do so much research, spending years and years on it... it's a shame if all that acquired information just stayed in a folder gathering dust!
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Post by accipiter on Aug 28, 2020 14:08:21 GMT
Two black swans! That's pretty amazing... I'm not surprised you want to keep your location under wraps, so to speak. However, the best news is that you're recovering from your accident back in April... I hope your brain cells continue to improve. Are you intending to put all the information about sparrowhawks together for a book or similar? So many people do so much research, spending years and years on it... it's a shame if all that acquired information just stayed in a folder gathering dust! Oh hello Rowanberry, yes my health is improving however, I still have to record my blood pressure twice every day, morning and night, and send the results into the surgery every two weeks, so far so good. As for the black swans I cannot imagine where they come from, I’ll do some investigations when I get time. In reference to those who will insist on walking into my garden I’m not best pleased, I’ve been in this location for many years now so it’s not as it they don’t know it’s a private garden. The funny thing is the public footpath runs all around the perimeter so they could choose to take that route but for some reason that’s not good enough for some people. Incidentally due to covid 19 the footfall as increased tenfold, and so is the amount of rubbish left to cause a menace for the wildlife hereabouts which is very depressing. However, I have by no means finished writing my book which seems to have turned into an autobiography plus; all written in a unique style so much so I like to think even the stars of the book (the Sparrowhawks) will be impressed. My middle son is doing the proofreading for me who’s now working from home so he’s busying trying to juggle that with his own work. I’m not quite sure what I’ll do with all the little owl information I’m gathering, but my son has suggested I should include that too turning it into a lifetime adventure. So as things stand my guess is as good as anybody’s how the whole thing will finish up in the end. However, I would like to think it will be passed on down through my family at the very least as a kind of legacy. Alan
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