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Post by Tringa on Apr 3, 2018 19:19:38 GMT
Never ignore the power of punctuation.
There's a Maypole dancer.
Theresa May, pole dancer.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Apr 7, 2018 8:00:42 GMT
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Apr 7, 2018 8:08:23 GMT
Interviewer: "What do you consider one of your best strengths?"
Interviewee: "I perform under pressure very well."
Interviewer: "That's fantastic! Can you give me an example?"
Interviewee: "Yes".
(clears throat.......)
" .. Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu bum da de Pressure pushing down on me"
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Apr 10, 2018 16:13:19 GMT
I went into the kitchen earlier today and asked my niece if she would pass me the phone book.
She said I was just so old fashioned, passed me her mobile and said, "Use this instead."
To cut a long story short, spider dead, phone broken, niece really upset.
Dave
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Post by rowanberry on Apr 10, 2018 17:10:41 GMT
Must remember that one.
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Post by Tringa on Apr 13, 2018 15:19:27 GMT
Dave
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Post by Tringa on May 3, 2018 7:16:38 GMT
When I got to the checkout in the supermarket yesterday the bloke at the till asked if I wanted a box for my groceries. I said, "I'd rather use my credit card; I hate violence."
Dave
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Post by ianr on May 3, 2018 8:52:20 GMT
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2018 18:24:40 GMT
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Post by Tringa on May 23, 2018 12:04:23 GMT
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Post by Tringa on May 24, 2018 11:37:21 GMT
I've just read that by law you have to turn on your headlights when it is raining in Sweden. How am I supposed to know if it is raining in Sweden?
Dave
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Post by Tringa on May 24, 2018 11:40:10 GMT
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Jun 9, 2018 7:30:48 GMT
While driving last night I picked up a hitchhiker.
After he got settled he said, "Thanks, but how do you know I’m not a serial killer?"
I replied, "That's not likely, the chances of there being two serial killers in the same car must be astronomical."
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Jun 18, 2018 14:36:30 GMT
Dave
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Post by rowanberry on Jun 20, 2018 20:11:49 GMT
Sent that one of the dog and bone to my brother, (he has a lab) and he loved it.
The one about Sainsburys wanting an artist to work for nothing would be funny if it weren't so true. Many years ago, during my impoverished art student days I was excited to be asked to do a mural for a nightclub in Central London.
When I got up my nerve to ask about the pay, I was told the club often had videos filmed on the dance floor that appeared (in the background!) on MTV... therefore, I should be happy to contribute my time and effort 'for the prestige.' When I asked did they even supply materials and transportation costs, they said they'd think about it.
Needless to say, I didn't do it. I couldn't afford to!
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