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Post by accipiter on Dec 3, 2017 20:16:15 GMT
This may sound rather strange having admitted Alan has a somewhat dark sense of humour but my favourite comedian was Tommy Cooper...
Tommy- Doctor when I raise my arm it hurts – Doctor - well don’t raise it.
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Post by Tringa on Jan 15, 2018 12:28:40 GMT
I was naked when I met the postman at the front door this morning. I don't know what surprised him most, that I was naked or that I knew where he lived.
Dave
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Post by accipiter on Jan 15, 2018 20:11:53 GMT
I was naked when I met the postman at the front door this morning. I don't know what surprised him most, that I was naked or that I knew where he lived. Dave I do know a lady who always opens her door naked, no this is not a joke but true, whether or not it is funny ha ha or not only you can decide dear reader, as for myself I could not possibly comment. Incidentally when seen out she acts and speaks perfectly normally, I can only think she likes to walk about naked indoors and why not indeed, but as for opening the door naked hmm. Alan
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Post by ianr on Jan 16, 2018 9:36:49 GMT
I was naked when I met the postman at the front door this morning. I don't know what surprised him most, that I was naked or that I knew where he lived. Dave As an X plumber and spending over 35 years in the trade there's not a mode of dress or undress for that matter that I've not had somebody answer the door to me in, man or woman and although I not afraid of the naked body I'd rather a large dog, foaming at the mouth and straining on the leash came to the door than a scantily clad lady with a rye smile on her face you can lock the dog in another room. As for offers, well the weirdest one must be when some young lady sat on the sofa right next to where I was working and started to roll a joint? want a spliff she asked? no thanks thanks said I a cup of tea would be good, nah got no tea bags she says. Ten past eight in the morning this was Oh and the ghost stories ian
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Post by Tringa on Jan 17, 2018 10:26:33 GMT
Definition of the word, "onesie"
A selfie taken by a member of the Royal Family.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Jan 30, 2018 15:07:10 GMT
My boss arrived at work today with a brand new Lamborghini. "Wow, that is a nice car", I said.
He replied, "Yes it is and if you work really hard, take on more responsibility and generally just put more in, then I'll get another one next year".
Dave
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Post by ianr on Jan 31, 2018 7:39:17 GMT
My boss arrived at work today with a brand new Lamborghini. "Wow, that is a nice car", I said. He replied, "Yes it is and if you work really hard, take on more responsibility and generally just put more in, then I'll get another one next year". Dave Joking aside I have a friend who has/had a double glazing business when approached by his employees for a pay rise one year he pleaded poverty and said the business couldn't stand it at that time. Only later to mention that he was thinking of taking up helicopter flying lessons and buying a helicopter. He just didn't understand the response he got from his workers. When he told the story to me I pointed out the problem. I don't think he ever took the flying lessons and I don't know if the staff got their pay rise either ian
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Post by Tringa on Jan 31, 2018 13:10:37 GMT
I wonder when some folks become owners of businesses they lose an element of common sense.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Feb 2, 2018 10:02:48 GMT
A couple -
After finding 5 Mars, 3 Snickers, a Galaxy and a Twix in this Celebrations box, I'm starting to think I'm not cut out to be a Bounty hunter.
If you can think of a better fish pun please let minnow.
Dave
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Post by ianr on Feb 2, 2018 11:13:11 GMT
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Post by Tringa on Feb 8, 2018 9:39:00 GMT
Unfortunately, alcohol was my Father's answer to everything... he wasn't a heavy drinker, he just wasn't very good at crossword puzzles.
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Feb 10, 2018 13:30:28 GMT
If you could have any super power, what would it be?
I'd choose China.
Dave
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Post by rowanberry on Feb 10, 2018 21:23:06 GMT
I got this one in an email from my aunt today...
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had Kevin said: 'Shingles.'
So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had.....Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.
A half an hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload them ??'
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Post by Tringa on Feb 13, 2018 8:39:10 GMT
I've been told a good way of letting go of your anger towards others is to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them. I've done that but do I have to keep the letters?
Dave
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Post by Tringa on Feb 24, 2018 13:15:09 GMT
Today my optometrist told me I'm colour blind. Have to say that one came right out of the orange.
Dave
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